Five years

This morning as I drove to work, the radio station I listen to every morning out of NYC observed two separate minutes of silence--one at 8:46 am, the time 5 years ago today when the first of two hijacked airplanes crashed into the World Trade Center, and the second at the time of the second crash. It was impossible for me, as I'm sure for millions of others around the world, not to recall the events of that day 5 years ago with extreme sadness. Remembering the images, the fear, the horror of that day gave me the chills. I could picture myself driving to work after an early morning doctor's appointment that day 5 years ago, bawling while listening to the first-hand accounts on the radio. I can remember vividly the terror I felt not knowing where my husband was and wondering if he was safe--he had left before me that morning to take the train into NYC on his day off. I remember hearing helicoptors flying over our apartment 50 miles away in CT all night--I imagined they were transporting the injured to hospitals.

As sad as I was, remembering all the images and feelings of that day, I was saddened even more by feeling the state of the world has worsened in the 5 years since. I feel as though we're less safe now than we were then, despite being more aware. I feel as though we, the citizens of the world, have lost our way. How can we condemn certain acts of violence and commend others? How can we justify killing as retribution for killing? I remember the terror I felt not knowing the fate of my husband that day 5 years ago, and wonder how many Iraqi and Afghani women, how many mothers of American soldiers, feel that same terror each day fighting continues? I wouldn't wish that on anyone, including my worst enemy. I'm disheartened knowing that "love will conquer all" will never become the theme by which we live. Love, understanding, tolerance, acceptance are so much more powerful, yet so much less prevalent than hate, blindness, violence, revenge and condemnation. Is this what God, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh wants? Is this what Their teachings have told us? I admit, I have never read the Torah or the Koran, but I have read the bible given us by the same God George W. Bush claims to follow, and I recall "love thy neighbor" and "turn the other cheek". It's human nature to claim vengeance, especially when our loved ones are taken from us. I understand that, and have felt it. Those who have stolen from us, who have killed, should not go unpunished. And I have to believe they will not. But I also believe that the road we have started down has no end. Violence begets violence. I've had enough. I don't want to live to see another 9/11. I don't want another 9/11 to happen even after I'm dead, when the sons and daughters of our generation are left to deal with the crap we've left behind. It brings me to tears, even now: WHEN WILL THIS END?!

I know I'm not alone in this opinion, just as I know there are plenty who would ridicule me for my idealism, my pacifism, my Christian faith. I'm fine with that--I accept there are those who think and feel and believe differently from me. I wish everyone could accept that.

All this sadness today, and yet the saddest thing of all: there is no solution. I feel no hope. There is no guarantee that 9/11 won't happen again. So I hope today, on the 5th anniversary of the worst terror attacks the world has known up to this point, I hope we WON'T forget--that hatred took away our loved ones. Hatred continues to take loved ones away the world over. Our hatred is no better, no different than their hatred. It all achieves the same thing in the end. So please, do something loving today. Do something good and peaceful. And try not to only remember the lesson on the anniversary--try to remember it every day. Even more so with those who AREN'T loved ones.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8

Wow, it's been so long since I blogged on, I forgot my blogin.

I realized I hadn't updated the blog in a while when I scraped my arm on the bathroom door entering AND exiting about a half hour ago. Yes, folks, life has remained abnormal in my 2-week absence. I have cut various fingers on plastic, managed to sleep away all of Labor Day weekend, and had to resolve a dryer issue.

One of these days, I'm going to learn how to fix my appliances myself, rather than paying the first-available stranger $128 to come replace a belt. Ah, well, at least it was cheaper than buying a new dryer and paying an electrician $137 to come out and hook it up or install the appropriate outlet. Who knew dryers could be "direct wired". I sure didn't. Up until 2 months ago, I was happily unaware of how anything worked, except the miraculous "dial-the-landlord-and-wait-until-it's-done" phenomenon. Now I have learned more about plumbing, sewers, appliances, electrical whatnot and mold than I knew existed.

After discovering the dryer had stopped tumbling (found this out when I burned a hole into a set of sheets--tried to dry them faster by using high heat--the combination of high heat and "no tumble"=holes in sheets), I recommended to my husband we just buy a new dryer and be done with it. Since having a repairman out was about 1/2 the cost of a new machine anyway, I figured what the hey. The current machine looks to be about 20 years old, anyway. So we go to our friendly Home Depot, where we learn dryers can not only be gas or electric (!), the electric ones can be direct wired (where the electrical wires that supply the juice to the machine are hooked directly (get it?) to the machine--you don't plug in the dryer like with any other normal appliance. Of course, if this is the type of setup you have, the Home Depot delivery guy will drop it off and leave you to figure out how to direct wire it--they don't set up the direct wiring. The saleslady at Home Depot told me that direct wiring is no longer up to code. I wasn't sure what type of dryer we had--I knew it was electric, because I remembered playing with the circuit breaker one day and the dryer went off when I turned off that circuit, but as for direct wiring--no clue. But, since the saleslady said direct wiring wasn't up to code, I figured we couldn't have that--the contractor who sold us the house put a lot of work into updating the electric and other stuff. So, I figured, naw, we don't have direct wire, no problem, the Home Depot delivery guy will be able to drop off and set up the new dryer and cart the old one away.

Of course, when we got home, I checked and sure enough--direct wire dryer.

But, I figure, in all my 2-month homeownerly wisdom, that it doesn't matter--we have an outlet by the dryer, we'll just plug in the new one and shove the old off to the side to be carted away when we can figure out how to un-direct wire it.

NOT SO! A dryer doesn't use a regular plug or outlet! Didn't know that, either. There's some huge, slanted prongy thing to plug into a special outlet JUST FOR A DRYER! Who knew dryers were so special (probably everyone but me). So, I've got a new dryer I CAN'T PLUG IN ready for delivery, a dryer plug that I have no outlet for, and a dryer that burns holes into my laundry.

That's just too much dang dryer for any one person to handle.

Somewhere in the midst of all this dryer discovery, my husband wakes me up at an ungodly hour to let me know there's water leaking through the ceiling in the breezeway. I very calmly grabbed a couple of pots, placed them under the leaks, and crawled back in bed. At least it wasn't a dryer problem--in fact, it was the OPPOSITE of a dryer problem.

But, the problem's been resolved. The belt (to the tune of $128) has been replaced, the new dryer order has been cancelled, the useless dryer cord/plug (which, by the way, costs extra--it's not included in the price of the dryer, I guess because you could direct wire the sucker) has been returned and the leaking has stopped. All has returned to abnormal.